the purpose of autumn

i feel an update is in order.

i havent kept in touch with most of you because ive kinda had my head up my ass. im sorry for that but in a sense, i needed and need to be quiet. things have been up and down a lot and my body has been reacting to it all big time - between migraine headaches, aches and pains in my hips, stomach problems and just down right "blahness". life has been happening in ways that i could not have predicted ... and as much as things have sucked as it unfolded, i knew it had to be that way.

despite all of that, im in a pretty good place. my body is proving to get healthier and healthier with each treatment session i have. and my body is feeling stronger than it has in quite some time. i noticed the other day that i could feel my hamstring and it made me smile. i havent felt that in years. physically, im feeling pretty fucking good. so many of the kinks left over from my injury have worked themselves out and there's a sense of relief and hope there.

which brings me to my next update. about a month or so ago, i had received a really intense acupuncture treatment specifically to help release a lot of the problems surrounding my sinuses and whatnot. initially, it was too intense to complete the whole session. well we tried it again yesterday and i responded really well to it. i felt all sorts of movement throughout my head along with enough discomfort that i had to lay there and repeatedly tell myself that it was okay and to just take it all in. she even pressed a point under my collarbone that completely opened up my lungs and i was able to breath in such a way that i wanted to cry. it felt so good to be able to take in such energy. "goodbye asthma! it's been fun but you're time is almost up!" but the most obvious and positive sign was that my jaw was so jittery that i had to consciously open my mouth to keep my teeth from clanging against each other. just a great sign of release. and it went so well that my acupuncturist asked me to come back this thursday and we would try it again but this time, she'd attach clamps to the needles which would send electricity to the needles, intensifying the release. whoa. im so ready to let go of this injury. ive said it before but i can really feel it now. not to mention i also have a myofascial session this week too. so there's a lot of anticipatory anxiety going on and if i could, id completely isolate and prepare myself for it but obviously i cant do that. but im going to continue on the path im on because i know its physically going to be somewhat uncomfortable ... but i know i can handle it ... because i want it.